By Man vs. Rock

The Hunger Games is a franchise about finding heroism in the most unlikely of places.  Like the fantastic Twilight movies it’s based on, the Hunger Games is first and foremost about:

-One brave person’s struggle against an unjust society determined to hold its citizens back …

– A hero who was forced to find courage from within against overwhelming odds …

– A warrior who looked at society’s oppression, and finally said “enough!” …

We all know who that courageous hero is, but just in case you haven’t seen the movies or read the books based on the movies, the noble leader I’m referring to, of course, is:

Lincoln Memorial Washington DC

PRESIDENT CORIOLANUS SNOW- the man who unified the Republic, brought awesome hair-do’s to the Capitol, and gave Woody Harrelson the means to finally afford drugs again.

And if you took sixth-grade history as many times as I did, it’s pretty obvious that Snow is just like another great President, Abe Lincoln, trying to preserve the Republic against a similar gang of inbred, backwards hicks who are probably too busy watching highlights of Alabama football games to actually work hard and earn their way to the Capitol (by killing all their friends at the Hunger Games I guess …).  Sure, some idiots criticize Snow like they did Lincoln, but it’s not like he went all crazy and tried to give everyone free healthcare or something …

And just who is the leader of these Confederates trying to strike fear into Honest Coriolanus and the Union?  The “fraud on fire” herself known as Katniss Evergreen, played by Jennifer Lawrence after Hilary Duff and Charlie Sheen turned down the role.  As you may recall, in the previous Hunger Games films, Katniss had to deal with devastating decisions like whether she would take Josh Hutcherson or Liam Hemsworth to the prom, and whether she had enough sponsors to finally afford an agent that could negotiate a market movie deal for her.  Typical Millenial …

If I’m watching the Hunger Games correctly, Katniss is basically the worst of Robert E. Lee and Stonewall Jackson combined, with none of the flashy style or sex appeal that’s continued to make Robert E. Lee a fashion icon today.

Rebel Yell Fragrance

The War of Katniss Aggression finally comes to a head in Mockingjay: Part 2, when Katniss’s clan of rebels make their way to the Capitol.  Do the rebels succeed in dividing the Republic like a tea partier’s wet dream, or does President Snow use his superior wit, charm and compassion to rid Panem of the severe threat posed by a couple of white, blonde-haired children with bows?

The answer, of course, is obvious.  After watching the movie, I came to the satisfying conclusion that no matter what happened in Katniss’s “look at me” war for attention (it’s heavily hinted throughout Mockingjay that she has severe daddy issues), that the freedom and integrity that President Snow represents can never truly be defeated, and even though there is violence in the film, sometimes violence is necessary to uphold important, honest ideals like those that President Snow and the Republic embody.  After all, where would America be if we didn’t stop WMD’s in Iraq, or save Vietnam from the threat of communism?  As Thomas Jefferson once said, “you have to live for something, or die for nothing.”

Because of this inspiring message, by the end of the heartwarming movie, I was totally comforted by the fact that love wins, and convinced that President Snow can be placed alongside great film heroes like Atticus Finch, Mohandas Gandhi, and Simon Birch.

As for Katniss, she’s just lucky she was dealing with a bit of a softie like President Snow.  Can you imagine if she actually had to face off against a suave, no-nonsense leader like Roger Goodell?!  If Commissioner Goodell were in charge of society (fingers crossed), Katniss and her little friends would be lucky to escape with a one week suspension and an inconclusive 2,000 page report from Ted Wells:

crime and punishment

How Much Money Should It Make:


Mockingjay: Part 2 is an uplifting, feel-good movie that proves that sometimes the right side wins. Even though Katniss needlessly tried to fracture the Republic and force her silly anti-child labor policies on Panem (sort of like another “elected” politician I know …), President Snow proved that with old-fashioned hard work and the right to bear machine guns, freedom can be preserved against even the worst of foes.  A triumph of the human spirit, Mockingjay: Part 2 should make More Than A Josh Hutcherson Sex Tape.

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